First smiles....

These were taken when she was just one week old.
I think she was dreaming...and passing gas.

But these bigger smiles only happened when I'd sing "So--PHI-a."




Now she's starting to smile a little even when she's awake. This was just this week...right after a bath. I love her hair when it's soft and clean...it's just so puffy and wild. I think she likes it too.

more to post later... i must sleep now.

I have three pillows.

And they each perform unique and essential functions. Despite my narcoleptic tendencies while riding in a car, I must have these three pillows to sleep comfortably in a bed.
There's my firm 'head pillow', my slightly-less-firm 'leg pillow', and my beloved 'fluffy.'

I don't think I had any one particular 'comfort object' as a child...no 'blankie,' or 'soft,' or special 'bear.' Maya has several, There's 'white soft' and 'pink soft.' 'Loopy.' 'Lyssa,' 'Amy,' and 'Sasha.' 'Monkey.' And recently...'hairbrush'. (Yes, most nights...all of these objects are in bed with her.)

As an adult, I think I may have developed a similar kind of attachment. My 'Fluffy' is irreplaceable. It comes with me when I travel. It's really hard to fall asleep without holding it (I think this is mostly because it helps keep my shoulders and arms supported). But this perfectly soft and airy pillow still gives me nightmares. I think it's the frightening new responsibility of another (terrifyingly fragile) life...and the inevitable lack of sleep that comes with any newborn...but it's happening to me again just like it did two years ago.

Maya's New Favorite Sport...

Last weekend we added a very special option for our outdoor fun.




First I had to teach Maya how to celebrate when she scored...




For the most part, she had a pretty good kick... I will admit that she prefers the throw-in method - which I'm pretty sure isn't legal.


But we couldn't spend too much time outside because we really missed our mommy and new sister.

four days old.

Our doctor saw this video and was pretty impressed and happy to record this milestone in her chart at her five day check-up. He suggested we try giving her an Algebra book.

I think I'd rather start her on Tolstoy or maybe Victor Hugo. We're just not 'math people.'

It was pretty much love at first sight...

...even though the 11-minute-old Sophia was still pretty slimy.

But the next morning, Maya came bounding in with her wild pig tails, smiling broadly "where's So-phi-a? Where's 'dat baby?" Then she stretched out her arms and said, "Sister. Hode her."



I didn't really cry much at all at for the first couple of days. But on the car ride home, everything started to hit me... fear, unbelievable happiness, inadequacy, heartbreaking love, overwhelming worry, exhaustion, fear....
So the night we all came home from the hospital, I was feeling pretty weepy. We were having our first 'story time' all together in Maya's room before bed. And Maya got to hold her. She very sweetly started talking to her in a soft voice..

"Sophia. Baby sister. Aww. (and pointing carefully) Tiny toes. Tiny hands. Eyes. Nose. Little mouth. Sophie." (gentle kiss)

I cried some more.

Welcome...

...Our Sophia Marie Elise. She showed up last night at 7 PM on the dot. How punctual!

38 Weeks

...still waiting.

I hope there is no 40 week picture to post.

Two weeks, nine stickers, and three elmo shows...

I'm so proud. But this seems to be a very constant, up and down struggle. Well worth it. But very exhausting.

Good work, Maya-bear.

It's official...

I'm glue-ing the fabric to the wood today. Then we'll just have to decide where to hang it.

When I asked the ultrasound tech if she was really sure, she just looked at me. And then added, 'honey, it isn't going to change at this point.'

We had one more ultrasound today...to check for growth. I was worried when the doctor ordered another one to check the baby's size after asking me questions like, "Do you remember being this small with Maya?" and "How much did Maya weigh when she was born?"
But according to her measurements today, she already weighs 6.2 pounds. Not bad for still having three more weeks to grow! :)


Maybe it was silly to find out now...only weeks (or maybe days??) away from her arrival. But I'm so happy to finally allow my mind to daydream about Maya and her sister...to imagine what SHE will look like, act like. To talk to HER and about HER....rather than always using the cumbersome 'he or she', 'the baby', and even worse... 'it.'

"love you, baby"

One of my favorite sounds lately. Maya's sweet words to her baby brother or sister.

36 weeks

I don't want to forget what today was like.

Maya and I always love Friday. It's one of our special days of 'just us' together. I'm starting to realize that there probably aren't going to be many more days of just Maya and me...at least not very often. So I'm trying to hold on somehow to these incredible moments. Trying to fully enjoy sleeping until 7:30 or 8:00 and waking to happy chatter upstairs, all the extra long messy meals, the 400 stories before nap time, the very funny conversations we have about everyone and everything...especially while Maya sits on the potty.

But today...we got to see a lot of other special people too.
After breakfast with Daddy at our kitchen table, we got all ready to visit Grandma 'Go-Go' and hear Kayla play her violin (rehearsing her recital piece with her accompanist), then we took 'Go-Go' to Russ' for lunch, and rushed to meet Daddy at the office of our beloved 'Dot-ter Tarnes' (Dr. Karnes) where we were very happy to see 'Joyce too!!! Oh! Yay!' (she's our favorite nurse at the office). We found out that Sophie...or Ian is probably just a little smaller than her big sister was, and is 'very low'...(my wishful interpretation= 'almost ready to come out').

On our way home, we stopped at the 'lie-libe' to return our books, play with the kitchen, meet a new friend (Collin), and get some new books to bring home. After naptime, and some extra long cuddle time in the rocking chair, we got to go to the big blue house to eat a delicious pasta dinner with Isaac, Will, Willow, Ginger, Katie, Daniel, Great-Nanna, and Aunt Jen.

One special song, 2 prayers, a cup of milk, and 400 more stories later...(actually just 3 long ones) Maya is finally asleep in the room next to me. Sometimes, in the hours leading up to bedtime, I start longing for it's arrival...just to rest. But now, I kind of miss her.

the things that make me really happy...

Maya's been really working on using the potty. She talks about it all the time. She knows what it's for....she knows when she needs to use it. She talks about her "big" friends and cousins who don't wear diapers any more and use the potty instead. In fact, up until last Sunday, she'd had success about 4 times...



...since last November!
I know this is great...she's not even two yet, but really....once a month????
I am a rather patient person. I don't have enough patience for this.

If I didn't have such great company....so many funny conversations, songs, and silly faces to make me laugh...I think I'd go crazy from sitting in the bathroom for hours each week. With so little encouragement to keep me motivated. We just never seem to get the timing right.

But...since the creation of "Maya's Potty Chart" this week. She's already earned three stickers (that's better than all of November, December, and January!) in just five days. Hope.


She really knows how to make her Mom happy.

contractions

I was a little frightened Saturday morning around 1 AM, when a surprisingly strong contraction woke me. I was even more afraid as I nudged Ryan ten minutes later to 'calmly' informed him that I was writhing in pain with another, even stronger one.

This continued for two and a half hours...with me whining about the pain, but whining even more about the bad timing. I just kept saying, I can't do this yet. The baby isn't ready, the lungs aren't strong enough. Our insurance is switching this weekend. The room isn't painted, my students aren't ready, my sub plans aren't ready...I don't even know for sure who the sub is going to be!! My recital isn't for two more weeks. The baby clothes aren't even washed or packed. I'm not packed. The dirty laundry is piled up in our hamper and the clean laundry is still in baskets waiting to be folded. I haven't even shaved my legs! And my mom is out of town tonight!

And as the contractions continued to come, stronger and closer together...I realized the futility of my wishing. And I started to truly understand that I have absolutely no control over this.

Maya's birth sort-of set me up for some high expectations about how this will happen. The day before she came, I obsessively cleaned my house. When I went to bed, I had just showered, lotioned my legs, and painted my toe nails, put clean sheets on our bed. The laundry was all done, everything was spotless. Her bag and mine had been packed for weeks. My substitute was already scheduled to start the next day. And that night...she came, quickly, easily, perfectly. I even had make-up on...and my hair curled!

I think I may need to rethink my expectations for how baby #2 may arrive. But while I wait, I've started remedying some of the things I can control.

The laundry is done.
The baby's clothes are washed.
My bag is packed.
Baby's bag is packed.
The room is about half painted.
And my sub plans are almost completely written.

So maybe we're just obnoxious doting parents...

...but we were pretty impressed.

Maya was in a particularly fun mood today when she came home from Grandma Go-Go's house. After bringing me the guitar and asking me to play, she strummed for a while too. We decided it might be a fun time for a 'violin lesson.' The instrument is still a little big...it's an 1/8 size. We're not really taking this 'seriously' enough to look for a 1/16 any time soon. But it's fun to experiment just for fun...

34 weeks

only six weeks to go....
(or less)

My babycenter website told me that at 34 weeks...

"Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which she'll need to regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies."


I'm close to being ready to leave my classes at school. Final details are falling into place. Passing three different performing groups to a substitute a month before a musical and a concert is somewhat cruel, but I'm hoping my kids will be ready and make it an 'easy' job for my sub.

Ryan worked so hard over the weekend to finish painting in our staircase. Now almost every room is painted and settled in our house. Only two bathrooms and the baby's room remain. I really managed to avoid a lot of work by discovering that I was pregnant the weekend that we moved. And I actually like to paint.

That 'nesting' instinct is heightening my desire/need to have everything ready in our house. I am very aware that I could drive Ryan crazy with my expectations and sense of urgency. He is so patient. And I keep making lists of all the ways we need to be 'ready.' Whatever that means. I know we can't be. But I just want to be ready now for the impending hospital stay, ready to leave my classes with their substitute, ready with an organized and clean house, ready with a room for the baby, ready with Maya potty trained (this is looking less likely lately, though she's had sporadic success for months now), ready to take care of another newborn.....

Despite my impatience and my constant 'wishing away' these next few weeks, this kind of waiting is wonderful. Who is this person that will be mine (though not really mine, I know) for life? This person will call me mother and we will be connected forever. And I don't even know who he (or she) is yet.

I feel too lucky in my waiting. A lot of people in my life are waiting...to see how broken relationships will be mended or not, to know if and when they will have a child of their own, to know the severity of the cancer, to find out if the heart surgery will heal their new baby boy. They are waiting with much at stake, and still full of hope. My waiting seems trifling.

And my rambling reveals the current state of my mind.

Last night I dreamed that the baby's foot was pushing so hard on my skin that it was stretched thin enough to see through. The sun was streaming in the window enough to shine through to the baby. I couldn't believe that I was seeing 'her' (in my dream it was a girl) foot, her toes. But when I looked closer, I realized that my skin on my whole belly was as transparent as a screen... I could see her thick, curly brown hair and her whole body curled up. I felt almost guilty that I was able to catch a glimpse of her before it was time. She was beautiful.

Only six more weeks. (or less)

in Maya's blue room

32 (and a half) weeks

...and way too many mashed potatoes for dinner :) owww.

A picture of the baby....as promised.

But you've already seen this one.

The ultrasound technician was so busy taking her measurements and trying to tell us the gender...we didn't get any new pictures to bring home. She couldn't take any pictures of the baby's face...or even take measurements of the baby's head because it is already so far down. Which explains my immense discomfort..there's a little skull prying my hips apart!

And as for any new revelations or confirmations of baby's gender...

...we found out that our baby is...



Very modest. And very stubborn.

(This picture is not Baby Corbin...I just found it in google images. But this is the position in which our baby stayed for the entire ultrasound. And I stayed on that table for a long time...poking and prying and begging Sophie or Ian to move.)

So besides being a little upset when the Ultrasound Tech gave up and kicked us out :)
...I was very happy to know that our baby seems to be a very healthy four pound person with a strong beating heart and plenty of fluid to swim around in.