1.) holding Maya
2.) sleeping
This was my favorite part of a wonderful, though exhausting, first Mother's Day. I love to hold her as I fall asleep. But my tendency toward strange sleep behavior keeps me from indulging in this luxury...except in the presence of watching family members (like in this picture).
A few weeks ago, Ryan woke me in the middle of the night..."Ang! Is she okay?" He was worried about the noises Maya was making in her sleep. Having my treasured sleep disrupted, I was rather annoyed. So...as I held out my arms to show him how carefully I was cradling our daughter, I replied in my most condescending (and slightly exasperated) tone, "Ryan, I've GOT her right here!"
However, even as I spoke those words, I knew I was terribly wrong. The precious little bundle I was so carefully holding in my arms...(actually...tightly smothering in my arms)...seemed to be melting...the blankets were covering her face...I was frantic...I couldn't find her face... I couldn't feel her breathing...
It was the very worst possible moment of my life...and yet Ryan was so cruel, so cold and uncaring that he was laughing.
Laughing at my hysteria.
But I laughed too, as dream world (and my fear) began to fade into reality. I looked down, realizing that I was carefully holding my very favorite, affectionately named, "fluffy pillow" (not my sweet daughter).
This nightmare reoccurs almost every night.
3 comments:
Oddly funny and sad and sweet at the same time. I can't wait to be a parent too - you guys are lucky. I'm glad God has blessed you in this way.
:-)
Ang -
I think I have told you how your brother did the same thing for months after we brought the boys home from the hospital. He would get so mad at me in his sleep-talking/walking fury for bringing the boys to bed with me. He would feel all over the bed, looking for them. After he would wake up, he would tell me that he could always feel Isaac's fuzzy head, but never his body. You and Daniel are such caring, protective parents :)
i remember dreams like that - they seem *so* real. my chest gets tight again just thinking about it! the worrying dreams haven't stopped for me, just become age - adjusted. beautiful picture!
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