34 weeks

only six weeks to go....
(or less)

My babycenter website told me that at 34 weeks...

"Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which she'll need to regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies."


I'm close to being ready to leave my classes at school. Final details are falling into place. Passing three different performing groups to a substitute a month before a musical and a concert is somewhat cruel, but I'm hoping my kids will be ready and make it an 'easy' job for my sub.

Ryan worked so hard over the weekend to finish painting in our staircase. Now almost every room is painted and settled in our house. Only two bathrooms and the baby's room remain. I really managed to avoid a lot of work by discovering that I was pregnant the weekend that we moved. And I actually like to paint.

That 'nesting' instinct is heightening my desire/need to have everything ready in our house. I am very aware that I could drive Ryan crazy with my expectations and sense of urgency. He is so patient. And I keep making lists of all the ways we need to be 'ready.' Whatever that means. I know we can't be. But I just want to be ready now for the impending hospital stay, ready to leave my classes with their substitute, ready with an organized and clean house, ready with a room for the baby, ready with Maya potty trained (this is looking less likely lately, though she's had sporadic success for months now), ready to take care of another newborn.....

Despite my impatience and my constant 'wishing away' these next few weeks, this kind of waiting is wonderful. Who is this person that will be mine (though not really mine, I know) for life? This person will call me mother and we will be connected forever. And I don't even know who he (or she) is yet.

I feel too lucky in my waiting. A lot of people in my life are waiting...to see how broken relationships will be mended or not, to know if and when they will have a child of their own, to know the severity of the cancer, to find out if the heart surgery will heal their new baby boy. They are waiting with much at stake, and still full of hope. My waiting seems trifling.

And my rambling reveals the current state of my mind.

Last night I dreamed that the baby's foot was pushing so hard on my skin that it was stretched thin enough to see through. The sun was streaming in the window enough to shine through to the baby. I couldn't believe that I was seeing 'her' (in my dream it was a girl) foot, her toes. But when I looked closer, I realized that my skin on my whole belly was as transparent as a screen... I could see her thick, curly brown hair and her whole body curled up. I felt almost guilty that I was able to catch a glimpse of her before it was time. She was beautiful.

Only six more weeks. (or less)