Sixty Four more days...

My mind is going to make these last nine weeks seem very long.

Up until this point, everything seemed to go so quickly. The weeks really have flown by. It seems like it was only a few short weeks ago that Ryan and I stood in awe...looking at the positive pregnancy test, trying to fully understand all that had changed. Trying to grasp what we had done! And what was coming!

I can hardly believe that it is now March...and Maya could come in just a few more weeks.

Yesterday, I sat on Ryan's lap as we watched a video he made at the beach last summer. It seemed almost surreal, hearing our laughter, the waves, and the seagulls. I remember how perfect the moment was. How happy and content we felt just being together...just us.
Suddenly I felt afraid...that our few weekends of being 'just us' are almost gone. How will we change? Will we lose something?
And I longed to just savour the time we have left. To enjoy what is left of our almost-four-year honeymoon.

But something has come over me today, and I am suddenly without patience or reason. My calm sense of contenment is gone. I just want Maya to come OUT! Nothing is being accomplished by my folding and refolding of her clothes...or the time I spend just staring in her room.

I keep contemplating whether or not it's too early to pack a bag for the hospital.

It is.

Maybe I just need to go back to work tomorrow...so I can think about something else. School does make the time pass quickly.

Is this normal? I don't feel normal...I feel obsessed, jittery. Does this furious longing to hold her and just see her NOW stem from just a bit of...imbalance?? I'm quite certain I'm crazy.