I've been lying on the couch just watching my stomach roll around, changing shape, contorting with the movements of the creature living inside of me. It seems a bit like an alien has been implanted into my stomach. Every once in a while, her abrupt movement jolts my whole belly...I wonder if something startles her or if she's just playing.
the eighth month???? i can't wait to meet her, hold her....but...
she has to come out. and that could be soon. i'm not sure i'm ready for that part.
Looking for other pregnancy journals online today led me to this blog, a completely different perspective...witty and real and sad.
I couldn't help but laugh at myself as I read her intro...
"I began my online journal when I learned I was pregnant after my first IVF. I had the idea that it would be useful and entertaining to record the details of my pregnancy as it progressed. Useful? Entertaining? Ha. More like precisely as self-absorbed as every other pregnant woman on the planet with access to a computer and the conviction that her pregnancy is somehow unusually special."
I ached for her as I continued to read about her miscarriage and infertility ....i don't think I could ever write with her cynicism and despairing humor....it's just not me (though different life experiences would probably change that), but I couldn't stop reading. She is just so refreshingly honest and real.
My life is too rich, too easy. I have no idea what suffering is. I'll need to be reminded of that during labor, I'm sure. But I know it.
And I'll try to put aside my fear of pain, inadequacy, complications, pain, exhaustion, tearing, pain....
and keep focusing on the amazing hope...the birth of new life....my child.
Only sixty more days.
6 comments:
Ang:
I remember feeling exactly this way with Ryan...I realized that there was no way out and the only way to give birth was to, well, you know. But I am confident that you will do great, that you will be brave and that every pain and discomfort will be worth it and even slightly forgotten when you first look at Maya. It will come fast...
thanks kim....
just the fact that you are doing it again makes me know that it must be worth it all.
Sometimes I am pretty afraid of the pain and being able to make good decisions about medication and how that will affect labor and Maya. But mostly...I just want her to be safe and be in my arms. So whatever it takes to get there will just have to be okay.
It's always reassuring to hear encouragement :)
thanks... miss you
ang
Sweet Angela,
I am always amazed at women who attend baby showers to celebrate the new life inside someone else's body, but also sharing horror stories about their own labor. Don't even listen to them!! (and ladies, don't be guilty of it!)
Here is what you need to know.
1) Labor is temporary, and we can handle anything that is temporary.
2) There is light at the end of the tunnel, and she is an amazing light. She is Maya Grace!
3) MOST women choose to do it again!!
The most incredible moment you will ever breathe is that moment when the people in the room increase by one tiny, yet powerful, sweet and crying real life baby girl. You will love that moment, and you will NEVER forget the impact and hold God has on your heart and Ryans at that moment. Embrace it, enjoy it, breathe it in with all of your senses. You'll be glad you did!!
Love you,
Suz
Ang,
Sue is right everyone wants to tell you there horror stories it is like when you are sick and everyone tells you about when they were sick.:)
Even though I did not go through contractions or a normal delivery it was a great experience and I would do it over and over.:) Cadie Rae
My dear baby girl--You have never been a wimp or a woos and you won't feel like one when you deliver our precious Maya. I am so excited--I have tried not to show too much emotionbut I am very very excited.!!! I wish I could do this for you because I really loved being pregnant and being able to brth all my blessed babies. There is nothing in the world like it--it is such a miracle of God --even if I did almost bite your dad's arm off a couple of times. A pillow is a must to bite on!! :-) You will do a great job--I know you. When they put her in your arms your whole life will change and it will be BETTER. Ask Daniel and he did not go through labor!!! I love you and am very proud of who you have become and know you will remember our verse! Jesus is always there with you!!
You are very loved, MOM
sue & cadie rae,
thank you for all of the encouraging words...
it really helps.
i can't wait to hold her!!!
thank you momma,
....now i'm about to go to school crying :)
it must be strange....I call Maya "baby girl" and I can't imagine what it would be like if she ever has her own!
i love you...
ang
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