I've always wondered how I could ever love a child more than I love your cousins. (By the way, they can't wait to meet you. They will teach you so many important things.) I have been 'aunt angie' for more than eight years. The way that I love and long to protect my neices and nephews is painful already. I desperately want to guard them from hurt and insecurities and disappointing discoveries about the world. The day that each of them came home from the hospital and the first time that I held them are so clearly etched in my memory. Each time, I thought that my capacity to love MUST be full. It could not be possible to love another baby, another child any more than I already did.
And yet you completely consume my thoughts. Whenever people mention you to me, I light up. So many people love you already....and I love talking about you. Every day, I am more excited to meet you...and more fearful of the mistakes I will make as your mother.
I think about how we will paint your room, and fill your crib with linens, and what clothes you will wear. What you and I will do each day. And I know that my silly preoccupations with these thoughts are naive...that the adjustments that you and I will have to make to our new life might involve more than paint and blankets and sunlit walks to the park in your beautiful stroller. But I love dreaming.
I am so grateful that God has trusted me with you, with your life. I can't wait to find out who He has made you to be. Will you be interested in music or art, will you be good at math (unlike your mother)? Are you sensitive and perceptive? Will your personality be like mine, or like your fathers, or something completely different? I cringe to think about what weaknesses you may inherit from me...genetically or by example.
Only a few more days until I can call you by name. I love you so much. Please keep growing. You are the most incredible gift your father and I have ever been given.
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