Yet in my lineaments they trace
Some features of my father's face.
-from Parisina, by Byron



I am fascinated with the idea that in just a few short months I will be looking into the eyes of my daughter. If the history of mankind is any indicator, she will share some of my features. But what will they be?

Will her profile look like mine as one glances over her shoulder, like it is with me and my Dad?

Will her smile match mine and my mother's? Or will it be as beautiful as Ang's?

I can't wait to meet you Maya...

sewing...

I've spent most of today cutting fabric for Maya's crib bedding. My obsessive compulsive mindset has been making me jittery for a month...to get started sewing for my baby. As soon as we knew that we had a girl, I wanted to go and buy everything to get started. Ryan finally (only a few days later) graciously agreed to spend another large chunk of cash...after a month of extra expenses. So yesterday I spent the day choosing fabric prints, designing the quilt, making measurements, and adding up the cost.

Today I cut all the pieces to make the quilt, sheet, bumper pads, and dust ruffle for the crib. At the end of all the tedious measuring and cutting, I actually had a little time left to gratify my urge and start piecing the quilt together. It's so pretty. I can't wait to see it in her crib. And to see her in it! All the little preparations to make our home ready for Maya are so exciting....though the 'to-do' list is overwhelming.

Even though I can see the 'big picture,' it's hard to have the motivation to do the little mundane tasks of organizing CD's and papers. The soon-to-be nursery is now a library/office full of books and files. Somehow, we have to find space in our house for a desk and three large shelves. Once we get it all moved, we can start creating a bedroom for Maya! I can't wait to paint (well....to have Ryan paint) and start putting baby things in their places.

little red dresses are fun.

Meet.......

Maya Grace

She weighs 12 ounces, has a beautiful pumping heart, and as you can see....a well developed brain.
Maya really likes to keep her arms and hands up in front of her face, so the ultrasound technician had to 'look through' the arm to get the lovely profile shot above...she also looked through the skull :)

This is how she covered her face most of the time...both arms, crossed over her face.



Every once in a while, she let us get a glimpse of her beautiful face...



She looked pretty comfortable.



We are in awe...Isn't she pretty??

20 Weeks!

Half way there!
Only two more days until the ultrasound...

pictures coming soon!

to my baby...

I can't believe how quickly you have developed into such a complex and beautiful person. The months have disappeared so quickly. Already, you can hear pieces of the world around you...and your mind is beginning to develop intricate connections and specific abilities. I never could have imagined what it would be like to love you...and to feel you moving inside of me.
I've always wondered how I could ever love a child more than I love your cousins. (By the way, they can't wait to meet you. They will teach you so many important things.) I have been 'aunt angie' for more than eight years. The way that I love and long to protect my neices and nephews is painful already. I desperately want to guard them from hurt and insecurities and disappointing discoveries about the world. The day that each of them came home from the hospital and the first time that I held them are so clearly etched in my memory. Each time, I thought that my capacity to love MUST be full. It could not be possible to love another baby, another child any more than I already did.
And yet you completely consume my thoughts. Whenever people mention you to me, I light up. So many people love you already....and I love talking about you. Every day, I am more excited to meet you...and more fearful of the mistakes I will make as your mother.
I think about how we will paint your room, and fill your crib with linens, and what clothes you will wear. What you and I will do each day. And I know that my silly preoccupations with these thoughts are naive...that the adjustments that you and I will have to make to our new life might involve more than paint and blankets and sunlit walks to the park in your beautiful stroller. But I love dreaming.
I am so grateful that God has trusted me with you, with your life. I can't wait to find out who He has made you to be. Will you be interested in music or art, will you be good at math (unlike your mother)? Are you sensitive and perceptive? Will your personality be like mine, or like your fathers, or something completely different? I cringe to think about what weaknesses you may inherit from me...genetically or by example.
Only a few more days until I can call you by name. I love you so much. Please keep growing. You are the most incredible gift your father and I have ever been given.

What in the world?
A couple of days ago I registered for this stroller, and was so excited about it.


















And now, the picture of the very same stroller, looks like this on the Target registry...and costs twenty dollars less.


















Is it just me, or are these two strollers quite different?

My kids...

...are so excited about this baby. Parents tell me stories all the time about how much their children talk about my baby at home.

Yesterday, a mom told me that her daughter came home from school and said, "Mom! Have you seen Mrs. Corbin lately??"
Her mother assumed that I must be starting to 'show'. "Yeah. She's getting a little bigger. And next week she gets to have her surround sound to find out if it's a girl or a boy!"

Later in the evening, as I was getting ready for our big concert, I was back stage tuning violins. About thirty kids were in the 'tuning line' with many of their parents and a few high school assistants in the room. The second grader in front of me noticed my slightly protruding belly in my fitted black dress and said "Mrs. Corbin! Your baby is getting big!"
"Yes it is, isn't it? Just wait until after Christmas break, my belly will probably be even bigger."

"Will it be as big as Mrs. _______'s???!!!! (a fifty-ish woman we both know that is definately NOT pregnant)"

Her sister scolded her. "No, ________, it can't be THAT big!!"

And from your Dad...

In between the excitement and joy, I have to admit that I’m sometimes scared about you coming into this world.

There is a longing I have inside to share with you all of the things that I know to keep you safe, secure, loved, happy... as much knowledge as 26 years experience and lots of student loans can bring. These aren’t the things I’m worried about. Aside from how I will possibly afford you, I mostly am concerned about the things in life I can’t explain or don’t understand.

Loss
Pain
Broken relationships
Hate
Rage

I promise that your mother and I will show you the best picture of redemption that we can... we've learned from some of the best.

To my baby...

You are still such a mystery to me. There is not a moment of any day that you are not in my thoughts. I wonder how much you can hear my voice when I speak and when I sing. Are you listening to the music that surrounds us every day? I hope you can hear me telling you how much I love you. I can feel you wiggling around inside of me at night. You must be growing...my stomach and lungs are beginning to feel a little crowded sometimes.

In just two weeks your father and I will give you a name. He loves you so much. He is constantly making sure that you are safe. No matter where I go or what I do, your dad makes sure that I am taking good care of you. I hardly ever have to do anything difficult. He won't let me.

Keep growing. We can't wait to see you. We have never looked forward to anything as much as we long to meet you face to face.

December 22

In just three weeks, we will get to see our baby's face!
We asked to have the ultrasound done at the hospital so that we could see a 3-D picture instead of the fuzzy black and white version. It may still be pretty hard to see much, but we're hoping to at least find out if we have a son or a daughter. This is a pretty amazing image...it's hard to believe how much detail can be seen even inside the womb.

It almost seems wrong to reveal so much from within such a secret and mysterious place.
Our ultrasound might not be this clear, but seeing my baby...inside my body, even on an old fashioned machine is an unbelievable experience. In September, as we watched the heart pump inside our six week old baby we were in awe. The whole body was only about three millimeters long, yet our baby's heart was already beating. And it was living inside of me!! I can't wait to see him or her again.

Soon we'll have pictures to post and a name to announce!