Squirming...

...Last week, I thought I could feel the baby moving. Turning inside of me...kind of like a fish.
It is so hard to know. I've actually never had another human life living inside of me before, so I'm not exactly sure what it feels like. It could have just been my digestive system, my growling stomach, or gas. But I don't think so. Because I feel it today and it is unlike anything else...

This video is not of *our* baby. We haven't had our second ultrasound yet, but it is pretty amazing to watch another 15 week baby moving around and kicking.

showing?

The day that I told my students that I was pregnant, many of my littler kids couldn't understand why they couldn't tell that I was pregnant. They were sure that all pregnant women were 'big'. So I explained that the baby was still very small, and that my shape would only change as the baby got bigger.

Strangely, the very next day several of those same little girls told me that I had a fat belly and that *now* they could see the baby.

That was about a month ago. Now, whenever I enter my classroom or stand in front of students...young or old, I feel like they are all staring at my stomach trying to determine if it has grown at all. It's a very weird feeling. Marianne tells me that people will stare much more freely when I actually look pregnant.

Today, for the first time two adults told me that they thought they could tell just a little bit.

One of the thinnest people I have ever known also told me today that she gained fifty-five pounds with her first pregnancy!!!

Seriously, she is so tiny that the doctors thought she might have dad's sprue disease.

Fifty-five pounds?!

the fourth month

Finger prints are forming. Facial features are becoming more distinct.
Right now the baby is only about three inches long, but by the end of this month, our baby will nearly triple in size and weigh close to a pound!

Recent familiar feelings...

I sit on the edge of the bathtub
Waiting
Worrying
Wondering
If I am still me
Or if I've already become
Something Other--
A *mother*.

Suddenly I am not at all certain
What I am hoping for.
Yes?
No?

The test is finally done
I force myself to look
And my head begins to swim
And my heart begins to pound
And my soul says
yes.

(from "The Test" by Carolyn Arends)

Though my emotions have always been close to the surface, my tears are usually reserved for real circumstances and relationships. People that I know and love experiencing pain, conflict, or great happiness.
Sappy poems and movies don't usually affect me like they do lately.