"Dot it, Mom?"

Maya is definitely two.

Full of opinions, certainty, and will.

Lately, she's picked up my condescending tone. She loves to order me around, telling me what to do and say. It's terrible and also really funny.

I think that maybe four hundred times a day, I say something like, "Could I hear that in a kind voice, please?" or "Hm. I'd like to help a girl that uses kind words.".

Some recently heard phrases that I'd like to correct for the future, but never want to forget....

In the car on Saturday: "I want milk, Mom. Momma! Dad! I NEED MILK. Hey.
You unnerstann d(g)uys?? You unnerstand??"

Monday morning: As I cut the last whole wheat waffle in half to share with her...(she's already eaten 3 or 4)
"NO, NO Mom. Don't tut it!!! Jesus dave it to us! To ME. He dave it to ME."

Everyday: "Hi Arfur. What you DOIN' Arfur?! You ridin' a tarousell, Arfur?? What's his name, Arfur??"

At first I thought I was 'Arthur'....so I'd reply with, "Hi, Maya. I'm Arthur. Yes, I'm riding the carousel, Arthur. Who are you?"

No. SHE is Arthur. And I am supposed to say "Hi Arthur. What you doin' Arthur?...."
The script continues. It's rather repetitive. And it lasts all day long.

It's difficult to keep up with the imaginary character she is pretending to be. It changes every few days, or minutes, or even mid-sentence. But lately she's decided that she'd like to script our conversations. Sometimes we're 'Cinderella and the Fairy Dodmuvver'. Sometimes we're 'Dus and Jatt', you know, the mice. Or maybe 'Arfur and'...his friend? Today she's been cousin Jared who recently had a birthday. So I watch her open her 'birff-day presents' over and over again.

Coming when she is called has been our most recent...project. We're working on it. A lot.

Sometimes, when I call her to come, she'll obey, but she'd like for it to be on HER terms.

I say, "Come here, Maya. Hurry. Hurry and obey, Maya."

And she replies in her best motherly tone with, "Tum here, Arfur. Hurry, Arfur. Hurry and obey, Arfur!" (Waits. Mischevious smile.)